'It's me or the cat': Sleep-deprived 30-year-old pleads with girlfriend to rehome her loud late-night cat, leaving their relationship on the rocks after she called him 'heartless'

Author image for Sarah Brown
Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
Jun 10, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

This kitty conundrum is purrfectly complicated. A 30-year-old man moved in with his girlfriend of three months, only to discover her beloved six-year-old cat is more of a night owl than he bargained for. Despite trying every trick in the litter box, earplugs, white noise, closed doors, even the couch, the cat's late-night zoomies and unexpected face claws have left him sleep-deprived and at his wit's end. He floated the idea of rehoming the feline to her parents' more spacious house, but his girlfriend took it as a catastrophic betrayal, accusing him of being heartless and trying to control her life.

Now things are tense, and the guy feels like he's competing with a furball for love, rest, and sanity. He didn't give an ultimatum, but he was honest that the current situation is unsustainable. While no one wants to come between a woman and her cat, he's stuck in a tailspin — trying to balance his well-being without being labeled the villain.

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  • 01
    'The cat always finds a way to disturb me'
    via milivigerova from Pixabay / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (30M) moved in with my girlfriend (28F) three months ago. Things were great at first, but I quickly realized that her cat is a serious problem for me.
    via u/Rough-Instruction-52
  • 03
    She has a 6-year-old cat that she absolutely adores - and I get it, people love their pets. But this cat is incredibly clingy and loud. It meows all night, scratches at our bedroom door if we don't let it in, jumps on the bed, knocks things over, and once even clawed at my face while I was sleeping.
    via u/Rough-Instruction-52
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10515765760
    via corelens / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    I have a demanding job that requires me to wake up early and stay sharp. I've been sleep- deprived for weeks and it's genuinely affecting my work and health. I tried earplugs, white noise, closing the door, even sleeping on the couch, but nothing helps the cat always finds a way - to disturb me.
    via u/Rough-Instruction-52
  • 06
    AUTO FM 3:58 88 92 96 100 103 106 108 MHz AM 530 600 700 850 1000 1300 1710 KHz
    via Erik McLean from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    I brought this up calmly and told her I didn't think I could live like this long-term. I suggested we consider rehoming the cat - maybe to her parents, who have a house and more space. I didn't say "it's me or the cat," but I was clear that this wasn't sustainable.
    via u/Rough-Instruction-52
  • 08
    She got really emotional and accused me of being heartless and "trying to control her life." She said the cat is family and if I loved her, I'd find a way to make it work. Since then, things have been tense, and she barely talks to me.
    via u/Rough-Instruction-52
  • 09
    I get that this is hard, but I feel like my needs are being totally ignored. I moved in to build a future with her, not to be tormented by a nocturnal fur demon. AITA for asking her to rehome the cat?
    via u/Rough-Instruction-52
  • 10
    Cebuanolearner Cat trumps any new relationship
    via u/Cebuanolearner
  • 11
    Skyward93 YTA-That cat is her family. Get separate rooms if you can't handle it.
    via u/Skyward93
  • 12
    Square-Instance9677 The cat was there first. The cat depends on her. She is responsible for the cat. None of those apply to you. ΥΤΑ. If someone I was dating for only a couple months asked the same of me, I wouldn't be able to contain my laughter. The cat takes precedence. Cat stays. YOU go.
    via u/Square-Instance9677
  • 13
    StAlvis 5h ago YTA Sounds like you require separate residences if you're serious about this relationship.
    via u/StAlvis

  • Maybe living apart is the purrfect solution. Giving both space to breathe and the cat some peace, so everyone can paws and enjoy life without the tension piling up.

     

     

     

  • 14
    matchamagpie YTA. Have you never slept over before moving in? You should have known about this and made a decision about whether to proceed accordingly. If you didn't, you did not do your due dilligence before taking this huge step forward.
    via u/matchamagpie
  • 15
    Sounds like you should move out. You're not compatible. The cat was there before you, the cat will be there after you.
    via u/matchamagpie
  • 16
    SnooTomatoes8935 Prepare to be single again soon, OP. I really want to say Y T A, but i know how annoying cats can be and if you are not used to live with a cat, this can be an issue. so NAH.
    via u/SnooTomatoes8935
  • 17
    but you have to be aware that this cat is a family member und probably around longer than you. cats need time to adjust, and you just have to endure some annoying habits some time untiö you see improvement. but i dont think she will get rid of your cat for you and if you give her an ultimatium to do so, prepare to be single again soon..
    via u/SnooTomatoes8935

  • It’s only been a few months. Maybe the kitty just needs some more time to settle in and adjust before things start feeling normal and everyone finds their comfy rhythm together.

  • 18
    carryoncrow7 Sorry dude, the cat was there before you. YTA
    via u/carryoncrow7
  • 19
    blushpixel The cat was there first, and your girlfriend is right that it's family to her. When you moved in, you presumably knew about the cat, so from her perspective, you're now trying to change the fundamental terms of your living situation after the fact.
    via u/blushpixel
  • 20
    sweetT333 If YOU can't handle the cat MOVE OUT. The cat lives there, with her and has for 6 years. You've lived with gf for 3 months. YTA
    via u/sweetT333
  • 21
    waywardworker NAH. You have a legitimate problem with the cat, it is reasonable to raise it. Working through problems is relationship 101. She has a cat that she loves and will defend. She also loves you which makes it really hard.
    via u/waywardworker
  • 22
    Having the cat move out is not a reasonable option. I believe many people believe suggesting it was an a hole move, I think it was insensitive but not done in bad faith. You have a choice, not her. Either you learn to live with the cat. Befriend it, come to a compromise, go to bed earlier, whatever works.
    via u/waywardworker
  • 23
    She has made this clear. "The cat is family and if I loved her, I'd find a way to make it work." Ball is in your court.
    via u/waywardworker

  • If she won’t rehome the cat, there’s gotta be another way. When you’re the one struggling, sometimes it’s up to you to find the purrfect solution that works for everyone.

  • 24
    spambreath That's a really ask when you just moved in. Pets are a lifetime commitment and you shouldn't pressure her to give it away. You can try playing with the cat till it's exhausted every night and see if that helps. Otherwise, separate bedrooms or move back out.
    via u/spambreath
  • 25
    | EnaFatCat ESH. Her for just throwing hands up and saying "deal with it yourself" when it's her animal who's causing the discomfort. You for going straight to rehoming it without actually trying to find a solution to its behavior. And say this as a crazy cat lady. Teach your pets to behave, people.
    via u/EnaFatCat
  • 26
    1sol3 yes. you're an adult. you can handle a mischievous cat. you're putting your partner in a horrible position.
    via u/1sol3
  • 27
    RedRunner04 YTA. You didn't use the words but your very suggestion said "me or the cat" extremely loud and clear. Be very clear here: you're the new element in the environment. That cat was there before you.
    via u/RedRunner04
  • 28
    And I'm speaking as the person having to deal with clingy cats ruining my sleep (my own, but still).
    via u/RedRunner04
  • 29
    RoseRed1987 YTA.. I have two cats and my SO knew they came first when he moved in. The kitties didn't like having to give up sleeping every night by me but they deal with it.
    via u/RoseRed1987

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boyfriend relationships girlfriend feline Cats sleeping problem advice
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